


Silent Correspondence

by ArtlessComedic



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 15:10:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6525259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtlessComedic/pseuds/ArtlessComedic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt isn't doing so well after the robot incident. Well, none of them are. But they're learning to work past things together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Package

Matt was settling nicely into his new home. The fountain near the corner really pulled the room together, and he loved that the statue atop the piece had nearly captured his exact likeness. He had a mirror on every wall, and almost two hundred photos of himself hung up. (There were a few photos that weren't of himself, of course, like the one of Matilda, or the one of himself, Tom, and Edd all together in front of their old home.) 

There was one space that still needed filling, unfortunately: the entire east wall in his bedroom, right by his bed. He'd been so occupied filling his main room with photos and mirrors and memories, that he'd completely forgotten his private walls. He had shelves of his favorite novelty toys, and had stuffed his closet to the brim with all the others, but this wall was bare. 

He had just finished putting up the new shelf above his bed when he heard his doorbell. It couldn't have been either of his neighbors; they would have let themselves in. Ooh, maybe it was that pretty girl down the hall! Or even the equally attractive man across from her. Excited, and perhaps just a little nervous, he hurried from his bedroom to get the door, pausing at the mirror above the light-switch to adjust his overcoat. 

"Why hello-" Matt stopped abruptly, blinking in surprise. There was...no one there. He frowned, stepping out into the hall. The elevator numbers at the end of the hall indicated that someone on their floor was going down. Could it have been his visitor? Why would they leave so abruptly? 

"Matt!" 

Matt jumped, turning to his left. "Tom! You scared me. Did you ring my bell?" No, that didn't make sense either; Tom looked as though he had just stepped out of his own apartment. 

"What? No. I heard someone run up and down the hall, I thought it was you." Tom explained, a deeply thoughtful frown now crossing his face. 

"No. It wasn't me. Maybe Edd?" Matt offered. 

"Nope! I've been here all morning!" Edd said, stepping out past Tom. "...Uh, Matt, what's that? Did they leave that there?" And he pointed. 

To a small, unmarked package, just beyond Matt's threshold. _My visitor must have left this! It must surely be a secret admirer!_

"Oh, no, it's mine!" Matt grinned, picking it up. "I dropped it by accident. It's part of my novelty toy collection. Do you want to come over and see me open it?" 

"Uh, no. No thank you." Edd smiled and reentered Tom's apartment, the rather cynical brunet following behind him with a grumble. 

Matt let himself back into his apartment, unsure as to why he'd just lied to his two best friends. He should be wanting to brag about his anonymous gift, right? But he wanted to open it in secret. Maybe it was the right thing to do anyway...obviously the sender was too embarrassed to reveal themselves, so Matt should keep their gift a secret too! 

He found his way into his room and sat down on his bed, looking over the small package. It was about the size of half a loaf of bread, and shuffled slightly when he gave it a gentle shake. Pulling up the tape with much more care than necessary, Matt slowly opened the box. 

A whoopie cushion, a sticky hand, a kaleidoscope, and a reindeer plush wearing a tee shirt with a red and blue and white flag. Each item came from the same package, and were now splayed neatly across his bedspread. It was always nice to find novelty toys that weren't yet in his collection. Matt wondered how the anonymous gifter had managed to get him just the things he needed, and he would have chalked it up to simple good luck, had it not been for the card. 


	2. Coping

Matt didn't like the color red. 

Not anymore. 

Or maybe it just didn't like him. He wasn't exactly sure. Regardless of the specifics, it was a color that made him incredibly uncomfortable. He'd find himself staring at it, and he felt this vast emptiness in his chest and his stomach. His mouth would dry up and he'd have trouble talking, and his palms would sweat more than he liked to admit they did already. His entire body would feel like he had been emptied out and filled with static, his ears full of cotton and his eyes full of tears. 

He couldn't explain it for a while, until Edd had walked in on him during an episode. He had found Matt stuffing anything red into a box, tears dripping silently off his chin and his hands shaking so badly he nearly knocked the box over a few times. 

A panic attack, Edd had called it. 

But Matt didn't like that phrase. It made him feel bad. They had been friends. The man in red- he'd been so nice to him. Leading up to the incident, he'd gone through real effort to be friends again. Hadn't he? His trust had been shattered and scattered, but still... Still, there was a part of Matt that wanted his friend back. It couldn't all have been a lie, could it? 

Tom insisted it had been. He was normally rather cheery, preferring to respond with an unsettlingly calm "never mind all that" whenever anyone brought up the incident, or the boy in red. 

It wasn't until one night, when Tom stumbled into his apartment in tears, too drunk to stand on his own without wobbling. _"I hate him, Matt."_ He'd told him. _"He, he lied to us- used us! I hate him. He m-must have been plotting the whole time. L-looking- looking for ways to, to get us to trust him. A-and he- he betrayed us! Betrayed you! I hate him."_ And then he'd passed out on Matt's floor, leaving the ginger to drag him to bed. 

He crashed with Edd that night, and told him about what happened. 

Matt was afraid and indecisive, and Tom was betrayed and miserable. Edd, however, was...cold. It was so unlike him. He'd expected him to be at least somewhat sympathetic. To try and reason out Tord's actions, explain why he had done what he did and be ready to forgive, if he had the chance. 

But he was just the opposite. He grew quiet when the incident was spoken of, even if it was just referenced. He wouldn't speak at all until the subject was changed (save for short, icy responses), and if they addressed him on it, he'd frown angrily at them and leave. Just like that. 

So when Matt told him about Tom being drunk in his bed, he was surprised when Edd just sighed, almost sadly, and quietly invited Matt to set up on his couch. 

That was the last time any of them had directly mentioned the incident. 

(Even Edd had skirted around the issue when he helped Matt with his attacks.) 

This time, upon fixing in on the crimson sheet of paper, neatly folded in half like a card, he froze up, as usual.  
He wished Edd were with him, as usual.  
He wanted to get away, as usual. 

But instead of running, he reached out and picked it up. 

It didn't burn him, like expected. He didn't think about hard knuckles marring his beautiful face, either. He remembered a warm arm wrapping around his shoulders, and thick laughter joining his own. 

_I'm sorry._

Simple black ink. Slightly shaky handwriting. A message too deep for Matt to process all at once. 

He was sorry. 

So was Matt. 

He looked back to the toys on the bed, picking up the stuffed reindeer, and wondered what his friends would say. 

_"He doesn't mean it."_

_"He doesn't have any right to be."_

And Matt cried. He stuffed everything back into the box and shoved it under his bed, too numb to stand up and take it to the dump like he wanted. 

He tried to take deep breaths, like Edd had taught him, tried to bring in all his feelings and bottle them up like Tom did. Why couldn't he be stronger, like they were? 

Matt wiped his eyes and lied back, letting his emotional exhaustion pull him into sleep. 


	3. Attack

 When Matt woke up, his head was still a little fuzzy, and he felt a bit sick. He shuffled off to the bathroom, shrugging off his overcoat on the way, and pushed the sleeves of his hoodie up so he could wash his face. According to his phone, it was almost seventeen hundred. Dinner time, he supposed. Perhaps that was for the best. Food would be a good distraction from the box beneath his bed. 

 --------------------- 

 "Edd! Are you home?" Matt called, walking into the apartment with an easy smile. "I'm here to eat!" 

 "Fine, take a seat." Edd called back. "Why don't you eat at your own house?" He asked, looking up as his guest entered the kitchen. 

"Remember that time I locked myself in the fridge during hide and seek? Bad memories." Matt sat down at the small table by the window.

"You were there for hours! I can't believe you survived that!" Edd laughed, placing a bowl of soup before the ginger before joining him at the table with his own bowl. "So what brings you to my home besides food? I thought you usually ordered takeout."

"Yeah, but I didn't have the patience today, and something home cooked is okay once in a while, right?" Matt dug into his soup right away, strategically avoiding any onions in the broth and occasionally scooping them into Edd's bowl for him. "What were you and Tom up to this morning?"

Edd shrugged. "I don't know. Just a visit, I guess. I was telling him how Eduardo and Mark moved in downstairs." He wrinkled his nose up with a frown. "I've kind of let go of our whole rivalry thing. He said he did too."

"Oh, you talked to him?" Matt rested his chin on his hand, supported by his elbow on the table. "That must be nice."

"It actually was, too. Letting go of all that dead weight between us and moving on... Some things are just better left in the dust." For once, Edd didn't sound bitter or resentful talking about Eduardo. He just sounded...a little tired. "So did you get all your novelty toys put up? I'm not going to walk into your place and trip on them?"

Matt almost choked on a chunk of potato. Once he recovered from the subsequent coughing fit, he had nothing to say. He didn't want to lie to Edd about something like this. But who knew what he'd say if Matt told him that _Tord Lasson_ left him an apology package?

This train of thought led Matt to one more important realization: The package hadn't had any markings on it. Tord not only knew where he lived, but he had _been there in person._

"Matt!" Edd was on his knees, right up next to Matt. "Matt, listen to me- I'm right here, it's okay. Deep breaths, Matt..."

Matt was vaguely aware of nodding, and he put a hand on his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat gradually slow as he followed Edd's directions, taking deep, slow breaths. He squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head.

"No, no, none of that-" Edd said quickly, still somehow able to keep his voice calm. "Can I touch you?"

Matt hesitated, struggling to keep his breathing consistent, and slowly nodded. Not even a full second later, he felt Edd wrap his arm around him, one hand taking his and giving a gentle squeeze and the other rubbing his shoulder as he pulled him closer.

"You're doing great, Matt." Edd said quietly. "I'm here, you're okay- deep breaths."

It felt like hours before Matt could breath on his own without feeling like throwing up. The clock above Edd's stove told him it was only ten minutes or so. He squeezed Edd's hand before letting go and sitting up a bit straighter so he could wipe his eyes.

"Thanks, Edd." He mumbled, taking one more deep breath, albeit a tad shaky. "Sorry, I...don't know why that h-happened."

"You don't have to know." Edd assured him, slowly letting go and pulling away so he could slide back into his chair. "Are you better? Do you want to watch a movie? I can go get Tom if you want."

Matt shook his head. "No, that's okay. Thanks, but...no. I'm gonna head home. Don't worry, everything's fine. I just. A little overwhelmed. Is all. It's fine, really."

Edd frowned, watching him as he rose to his feet. "O...kay... Don't be afraid to come back if you need anything, okay Matt? We're friends. I'm always here for you."

"Sure. I got it. Thanks." Matt nodded and gave a half-hearted wave before turning and retreating from Edd's apartment and back to his own. How had the mere thought of Tord upset him so much? He didn't want to be set off by a stupid color, or by the mention of _his own_ property! He...he wanted this to be okay.

He wanted his friend back.


	4. Healing

Matt was quiet all the next day, and the day after that. He heard quite a bit from Edd, but Edd didn't hear anything from him. (In fact, the only ones who _did_ hear from the ginger were the delivery drivers at the Chinese place or the pizza shop uptown.) He spent most of his time in his room, forcing himself to cope directly with the gifts he'd been left.

With the red note.

With Tord.

After countless panic attacks brought on by his own actions, Matt felt frazzled and lost, and had taken to talking to his new toys, pleading with them for advice. Should he throw out what might be his only chance to reconnect with his lost friend? There was no way he could try to talk to Edd and Tom about it, was there? Maybe...he should try and catch Tord the next time he came by. If he came back at all.

No. That was stupid. He didn't want to talk to Tord! At least...he shouldn't want to.

It was nearing noon when Matt heard his front door open, and he quickly scrambled to hide the box, managing to get onto his bed with a book just as his bedroom door opened.

_Oh no._

"Jeez, Matt, is this what you've been doing all day that's got Edd so worked up?"

"Howdy, Tom!" Matt grinned and closed his book. "Don't tell me you were worried about me now."

"No." Tom smiled back at him, but it was gone in half a second, the other suddenly looking at him with wide eyes. "Holy- Matt! What have you been doing? You look like you've been-" he stopped suddenly, choking on his words for a moment, before clearing his throat. "You look like you haven't slept in a week. What on earth's gotten into you?"

Matt didn't move, his expression frozen there. He took a slow, careful breath, and closed his book. "Nothing. I just...I'm a bit stressed." He said, letting his expression fall. He already hated lying to Edd, but lying to Tom was almost worse.

"Do you...wanna talk about it?" Tom asked, sliding his hands into his pockets. "I know I can be an ass, and you can be a real piece of work yourself, but we're still friends, and I'm here for you and stuff." He looked away, leaning against the door frame with a frown.

Matt had to be touched by the words; it was like talking to the old Tom again. "No, no. It's not that serious. I just...kind of feel like...like I've been having a lot of...um...."

"Attacks?"

"Y-yeah. A lot of those. Recently. It's my own fault, but I-"

"What do you mean it's your fault?" Tom was now directing his frown at Matt and he stepped forward. "It's not your fault you're upset. It's not your fault what you're feeling! Now I know why Edd was so worried: you're all kinds of m- of- _shit,_ Matt, listen-"

"Tom, I think you should leave." Matt interrupted, crossing his arms. "You don't know what you're talking about, and it would be best to just stop."

"Matt! Of course I know-"

"You don't!" Matt was on his feet now too, and having a few inches on Tom had never really served him much purpose until now. "You don't know what you're talking about because you don't know what I'm talking about! You don't understand how I feel or what I'm doing, and I don't want you or Edd knowing anyway! It's a personal matter and _I will handle it!"_

There was a beat of silence, and then another, before Tom slowly let out a sigh.

"Yeah. I guess I can understand _that_ at least. If you change your mind, I'm right down the hall, and so is Edd. I...I know you feel like it...but you're not alone. Okay?"

Any possible trace of anger was gone with those words, and Matt let out a sigh of his own. "Okay. Thank you, Tom."

"No problem." Tom nodded and turned around, heading towards the front door. "You've always got your friends, Matt. Don't forget that."

And he left.

Matt backed up, letting himself collapse onto his bed with a groan. He looked to the closet across the room, where the box was haphazardly shoved out of sight before Tom's entrance.

Matt sat up and ran his hand through his hair. Maybe...Tom was right. He wasn't alone in feeling this way.

He had his friends around.

Tord wanted to be one of them.

Matt wanted that too.

With a new determination, Matt got up and pulled his shoes on, running out the door as he pulled on his overcoat. He nearly took Tom out as he stumbled into the hallway, barely catching himself on the wall as he struggled to regain his balance.

"Matt? What are you- hey!"

Matt wrapped his arms tightly around Tom, hugging him close for a few long seconds before holding him out at arm's length.

"Thank you, Tom! Thank you!" He wiped his eyes and hugged his friend again before letting go and turning away, running down the hall.

"Wha...? O-okay. Sure." Tom tilted his head, watching Matt run.

\--------------------

Matt capped his marker, letting out a shaky breath. Okay.

He closed the box, swallowing down his nerves. It'd be okay. He just had to put it out, and then check it early in the morning to make sure neither of his neighbors found it if Tord didn't come by.

A piece of construction paper, purple in color, peeked out of the unmarked box. It was smaller than the package Matt had received, but it was the contents that were important: a box of Dunhill cigars, and a single card that simply read:

_I miss you._

He opened the door, the hall dark and quiet, and carefully placed the parcel on the ground outside his door. Then he took a step back and closed the door. There.

It was done.

\--------------------

Matt awoke with a start, spooked for a moment by the darkness surrounding him. Besides the running water from the fountain near the corner, he heard a noise, this one just beyond the door he'd fallen asleep next to.

Silently as he could while still maintaining speed, Matt turned and leaned over, trying to peek under the door.

He heard cardboard scraping against cardboard, and the telltale sound of a new box of cigars being lightly shaken. He heard a soft hum, in that familiar voice that nearly convinced Matt to open his door right there.

He heard more cardboard, and something slightly squeaky that made his toes curl in distaste. The cardboard sound returned once more, and the little view in the dark Matt did have was obscured by something being set down.

Then the sound of footsteps faded off down the hall.

Matt stayed silent for as long as he could bear to, and then he opened the door, grabbed the large box, and closed it again.

Back in his bedroom, the bedside lamp lighting up the room, Matt opened the new package.

A mirror.

A beautiful, medium-sized mirror, heavy as it was, in a purple frame. It took a minute to see in the low lighting, but there were clearly words written on the glass, sharpied on and a little sloppy ( _from writing in the dark,_ Matt decided).

_You too._

Matt held it to his chest, sighing shakily. Tord missed him. He blinked, realizing there was a card taped to the back of the mirror, in that same red paper. He set the mirror aside in favor of opening it, eager to read Tord's latest message.

_I didn't mean what I said._

Matt smiled.

That night, he hung the mirror by his bed, just under the shelf that carried his new favorite items from his novelty toy collection.

\--------------------

Things weren't immediately better for Matt after that. He still had panic attacks. He still had nightmares. He still got that feeling of being alone and sick and anxious that he couldn't shake for hours.

But these things got easier to deal with. Especially with a new package arriving every few days (or sometimes just the cards, carefully slipped under his door).

He was friendlier with Tom. Edd still helped him with his attacks. They watched movies at Edd's apartment. They joked around.

Tord wrote to him.

Matt was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!!  
> I really do want to improve!


End file.
